The Cabenson Collection
by DaniiButNotBeck
Summary: A collection of one-shots written for the Cabenson Fanfic Challenge over on tumblr.
1. Week 1: Seeking Solace

Title: Lifejacket

Theme: Seeking Solace

Rating: K

Summary: AU: Olivia is a soldier; could possibly be part of _The Longest Night_ and Days 23, 26, and 29 of _90 Days of Cabenson_.

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* * *

His wife slaps you, berates you, screams at you. His kids – the same one that refer to you as "Aunty Liv", that brought you to Career Day and Show & Tell, that you shower with love and little gifts from your international tours – look at you with thinly-veiled disdain.

You take it all without flinching, without backing down.

Because you know you deserve this; you've been doing the same thing to yourself for over a week now.

Still in the anger stage of grief, his wife goes to push at you, but you capture her wrists in your hands and pull her into a tight embrace. She hits your chest and pushes against you, yelling at you until people begin to stare, but you remain stoic, holding her until the agony overtakes the anger and she is left falling apart in your arms, clutching to you like you are a lifejacket and she is drowning in a turbulent ocean.

Your wife sits in a pew less than ten feet away, his youngest child sitting quietly on her lap, playing with her glasses, while his other children listen with rapt attention as she regales them with stories of their father.

The service is about to begin, and as his partner, it is your duty – to him and to yourself – to remain stoic and strong and in control of yourself. There will be time for you to mourn later; right now it is about him and his family.

You pull your white glove off your left hand and reach into the pocket of your service uniform trousers for your handkerchief, using it to wipe the tears from underneath his wife's eyes. You let her keep it, knowing she will need it more than you.

Everything goes according to plan and both the ceremony at the church and the burial pass without incident.

It is not until it is your turn to speak at the graveside that your emotions get the best of you.

"When I first met Corporal Elliot Stabler, he was a scrawny eighteen-year-old with an incredible sense of patriotism and adventure. We became fast friends during Orientation Week, and even better friends over the ten weeks we spent in training."

"Those of us that had the honor of serving with Corporal Stabler know how dependable and admirable a soldier he was, but more than that, the Elliot we had as a friend was a man we will never forget."

"Corporal Elliot Stabler gave the ultimate sacrifice in a true act of loyalty and patriotism for his country. He was a true patriot, full of bravery and valor. He will be truly missed."

You step back into formation, your mask breaking as silent tears rolls down your cheeks.

The ceremony ends after the 21-gun salute and the playing of Taps.

You will not speak again until the next morning.

You are in the shower with the water beating down on you as hot as you can take it when the tears begin. They start off slow and gradually build until you are leaning against the bathroom wall, sobs wracking your body.

Your fault.

It is your fault he died, your fault he took that bullet.

It is your fault his wife is a widow and his children do not have a father.

But then Alex's arms are wrapped around you and the water is turned to a much more bearable temperature.

Your wife. Your everything.

Dressed in her pajamas, she holds you tight, ignoring the water as it soaks through her clothes.

She doesn't tell you it isn't your fault.

She doesn't tell you there was nothing you could've done.

She knows you are berating yourself and nothing she says will stop you.

She also knows her presence comforts you.

You need her.

More than anything, you need the solace she brings.

With her, you are safe.

With her, you are home. And that has made all the difference.

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	2. Week 2: Keeping a Secret

Title: All In

Theme: Keeping a Secret

Rating: K+

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* * *

Propped up on her left elbow with the blankets secured under her right arm, Alex watches as Olivia pulls on her dark t-shirt and shimmies into her jeans before sitting back on the edge of the bed to pull on her boots.

Standing back up, she grabs her leather jacket from where it landed on the floor and slips it on. Walking to the other side of Alex's bed, she presses a quick kiss to Alex's lips and heads for the bedroom door.

"You don't have to go," Alex says, sitting up.

Olivia runs her hand through her short hair, sighing. "We talked about this, Al."

"Let's talk about it again."

"It's too risky."

Alex rolls her eyes. "There's ways around that."

"We could lose our jobs."

"I'm not asking you to tell everyone, Liv. I'm just asking you to spend the night. Just tonight, not every night. I just want to wake up with you tomorrow morning."

"Alex—"

Alex stands up, wraps the blanket around herself, and steps into Olivia's personal space. "No one has to know," she whispers, running her hands down the detective's arms, linking their hands together. "It can be our secret."

Olivia pulls her hands out of Alex's grasp, taking a step back. "It's not a good idea, Al."

Alex quirks her eyebrow. "We've had nothing but bad ideas since we started this. What's stopping us now?"

"You think this is a bad idea?"

"It's not a good one."

"Are you serious, Alex? You really think this is a bad idea?"

Alex remains silent, looking anywhere but Olivia's eyes, afraid her resolve will shatter if she has to confront Olivia's pained expression.

"Right." Olivia sighs, nodding once. "I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow." She walks out of the bedroom, not bothering to look back as she leaves Alex's apartment.

Alex sighs, falling back onto her bed. Leaning back against the headboard, she closes her eyes, images of Olivia floating unbidden into her mind.

"Stupid," she says to the empty room. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."

She groans, throwing the covers off and pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. She grabs her keys off the coffee table in the living room, slips on her sneakers, and is out the door before she can change her mind.

Less than fifteen minutes later, she is banging on Olivia's apartment door.

"Jesus, Alex," Olivia says through gritted teeth, ripping the door open. "Don't you know what time it is?"

Alex's brow furrows. "No," she says. "But I don't care. I had to talk to you."

Olivia leans casually yet defensively against her doorframe; Alex knows she is not being invited in. "We were talking."

"I'm…sorry for saying this was a bad idea. I didn't mean it."

"It sure sounded like you meant it."

"I just…I don't want this – _us_ – to be a secret. I know it started out as just a way to relieve stress, and I know it worked like that for a while. But somewhere along the way, something changed and it's not just about stress relief anymore, Liv. I know that and you know that."

Olivia shakes her head. "You don't know that, Alex."

"I do," Alex insists. "I know that we've been doing this for eight months. And I know that in those eight months, you haven't dated anyone. I know you haven't seen anyone but me. And I know that you're happy with me, even if we just curl up on the couch and watch movies all weekend." She takes a step forward, almost touching Olivia. "I know that you want this as much as I want this."

"We can't."

"We can. If you want to."

Olivia sighs, running her hands over her face. "I do," she says loudly, startling Alex. "I do want this. But I want my job more. And I want you to keep your job. I don't want either of us to have to leave."

Alex nods. "I know. But I'm tired, Liv. I'm tired of waiting and I'm tired of pretending it doesn't hurt when you leave. So I'm giving us an ultimatum: Either we're all in or we're done. The ball's in your court now." She turns on her heel and walks down the hallway toward the elevator.

Olivia groans, hesitating mere seconds before jogging to catch up with Alex. She reaches out, her hand closing around Alex's wrist and turning the attorney around and pressing their lips together. "All in," she whispers. "I'm all in."

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	3. Week 3: Christmas

Title: The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

Theme: Christmas

Pairing: Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson

Rating: K+

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* * *

Olivia wakes slowly, relishing in the relaxed feeling in her muscles and the smell of baked goodies wafting in through the open bedroom door. Reaching her arms above her head, she arches her back and smiles at the gentle pulling on her muscles. With a groan, she crawls out of bed and walks quietly into the kitchen.

Alex turns around, smiling at the sight of Olivia in flannel pajama pants that are too long and a baggy t-shirt with her short hair sticking up every-which-way. "Good morning, sleepyhead," she says, greeting her wife with a kiss and a cup of coffee.

Olivia takes a sip of her coffee, moaning appreciatively. "I love you."

Alex quirks her eyebrow. "Just because of the coffee?"

Smirking, Olivia nods.

Alex rolls her eyes, failing at hiding her smile. "You're incorrigible."

"Yet, you married me."

Alex presses a quick kiss to the corner of Olivia's mouth. "And I regret it every day."

Olivia gasps, pretending to look scandalized. "_How could you_?" She grins, setting her coffee on the counter. "What time are our guests expected?"

Alex gently bites her bottom lip, looking at her watch. "My parents should be here around 5:30 and the guys and Elliot's family will be here around 6:00."

"I don't know why you want to have the Christmas Eve party here."

"I told you this already, Liv."

"Tell me again."

Alex sighs. "It's our first year as a married couple. It's special."

"Alright, alright," Olivia says. "What can I do to help?"

Alex swats at Olivia with the towel hung over her shoulder as Olivia attempts to reach for one of the cookies on the tray. "Go! Go take your shower or something –that's how you can help."

Olivia smiles. "Don't burn down the kitchen while I'm not here."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Get your scrawny ass out of here, Benson, before I ban you to the kids table tonight."

"You wouldn't," Olivia challenges.

Alex quirks her eyebrow. "I wouldn't?"

Olivia's smile fades quickly upon the realization that her wife is not kidding. "I'm going, I'm going." She disappears into the bathroom only to come back out seconds later. "Do you want to join me?"

Alex sighs exasperatedly. "Go take your shower, Liv."

Olivia pulls her t-shirt over her head, letting it fall to the ground. "Are you sure you don't want to join me?"

Alex looks up from the mixing bowl on the counter, her eyes roaming over the smooth expanse of her wife's body. She nods distractedly, dropping the items in her hands and following Olivia to the bathroom. "Merry Christmas to me," she whispers.

.

* * *

AN: Happy holidays, everyone!


	4. Week 4: Resolutions

Title: New Beginnings

Theme: Resolutions

Rating: K+

Notes: AU: 1999/2000; Alex and Olivia have had an off/on relationship for sick of it, Olivia resolves to fix it.

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* * *

The clock on the wall is loud in the quiet room. The seconds tick by ominously, counting down to either the beginning or the end, neither of the room's occupants are sure. The beginnings of conversations die on their lips, and the New Year's Eve program plays queitly as background noise.

"You don't have to be here," Alex says, tilting her head to look over at Olivia.

Olivia shrugs. "Might as well do this right."

Alex quirks her eyebrow. "This is right? We're basing our whole relationship on what happens on the twelfth chime."

"It was your idea, Alex."

"My idea? This was your idea."

Olivia frowns. "It was your idea to keep leaving me."

"I didn't want to."

"Then why did you?"

''I don't... I don't really know, Liv. I love you, but I'm scared."

"What are you afraid of, Alex?"

Alex sighs, shaking her head. ''Hurting, getting hurt."

"Maybe that should be your resolution."

"What?"

"To stop hurting."

Alex turns in her seat, resting her left arm along the back of the couch. "Starting with you?"

A light smile plays at Olivia's lips. "Perhaps."

Alex quirks her eyebrow, lightly biting her bottom lip before leaning forward and pressing her lips to Olivia's. "I think I can manage that."

When they break apart, the clock has struck its final chime. "I think that answers that," Alex says.

Olivia laughs. "Yeah," she says. "I think it does."

"Happy New Year, Liv."

"Happy New Year, Alex."

.


	5. Week 5: Dreams

Title: Dreams? More like Nightmares

Theme: Dreams

Rating: K+

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* * *

Sometimes, when dreams of the shooting wake her in the middle of the night, Olivia is there, holding her, comforting her, calming her, making it possible for her to fall back to sleep.

Other times, she wakes and she is completely alone in a house in Wisconsin – these are the times that she fears. Every shadow on the wall is a man with a gun, sent there to kill her. Every creak of the floor is the last noise she will ever hear. Her bed is far too big and far too empty on nights like these.

Tonight is a bad night.

The shadows on the wall are all Zapata and Velez and Connors. The creaking floorboards are her end. The distance from the middle of her bed to her cellphone might as well be the length of an ocean.

She moves slowly, pushing herself to a sitting position and scooting her body toward the edge of the bed. Each noise stops her, and her heart feels as though it is going to break right through her ribcage.

She reaches out, grabs her cellphone as fast as she can, and flips it open, pulling up Olivia's name and pressing the call button.

Olivia answers on the second ring. "I'll be right over."

Alex breathes a sigh of relief – the first one since waking up. "You don't have to—"

There is a rustling on the other end of the phone; Alex smiles, imagining Olivia – half-asleep – pulling on backwards clothes and mismatched sneakers in an attempt to get to Alex's apartment as quickly as possible. "I want to," she says. "Ten minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone until I get there?"

_Yes. _"No, I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

_No. _"Yes."

"Okay. Ten minutes, Alex."

"Ten minutes," Alex breathes.

Olivia disconnects the call, and Alex instantly turns on the light on her bedside table. Glancing around the room, she feels her pulse finally start to slow at its emptiness. She stands up and walks through her apartment, flicking on every light and checking the door and every window to make sure they are locked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

She is on the verge of starting the routine for the fourth time when she hears a rustling at the door. In the back of her mind, she knows it is Olivia's key in the lock, but the part of her brain still feeling anxious doesn't.

She ducks into the bathroom, hiding in the shower behind the curtain, and waits.

"Alex?"

Olivia's voice is a Godsend and Alex releases the breath she has been holding. She steps out of the shower and briefly turns on the sink water to hide the fact that she was hiding. A few seconds later, she emerges from the bathroom and is immediately captured in Olivia's arms.

"Another nightmare?" Olivia asks.

Alex nods mutely, relishing in the feeling of being in Olivia's arms.

"You know" – Olivia chuckles – "you don't have to have nightmares to get me to stay the night. All you have to do is ask."

"Will you stay?" Alex mumbles. "Tonight and tomorrow night and the night after that?"

"Absolutely."

.


	6. Week 6: Break

Title: Battlefield

Theme: Break

Rating: K+

Summary: "No blood will spill if we both get out now; still it's hard to put the fire out. What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield. Feelings are shifting like the tide, and I think too much about the future. What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield." – Lea Michele "Battlefield"

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* * *

It was so easy to fall in love back when they thought they had all the time in the world. Back when days were long, but nights were longer, and there was love and lust and _belonging_.

But they are starkly different people now than they were when they first fell in love – lines are harder, curves are softer, scars are more defined, demons are ever-present.

Feelings shift too quickly to bother trying to keep up with, and now all that's left is held breath and tension thick enough to suffocate. They walk on eggshells around each other, careful to tread lightly or they will be stuck fighting to the death like gladiators.

They are living on a battlefield – one wrong step and everything could blow up in their faces.

It is pointless to keep holding on when hearts are breaking, and it is easy to blame each other, but hard to take their own blame.

They both know the end is near; does pretending the crack is not there count as a lie? Does the illusion of comfort count as self-preservation or something they are hiding?

Tonight, all their cards are on the table as they stand in the kitchen. The tension in the room has to break. One sentence could be all it takes to flood out the lie they are living.

Pride is their greatest weapon; neither one is willing to lay down the sword and fix this.

In their silence, the fissure opens and they teeter precariously on the edge of falling. All it would take is one sentence to fix it.

Alex breaks first, looking away as the tears begin to spill. She lays down the gun, a promise to fix things. "Don't run." She shakes her head. "Don't run."

And Olivia reaches across the fissure, holding tight to Alex. "I won't."

Peace will come in time.

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	7. Week 7: Mother

Title: A Pleasant Surprise?

Theme: Mother

Rating: K+

Notes: Takes place at some point during season 4. TW: mention of addiction and rehab

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* * *

"Your mother's at our apartment."

Alex looks up from the stack of papers in front of her, her brow furrowed in confusion. "When did she get there?"

Olivia shrugs, sinking into one of the guest seats across from Alex's desk. "She was already there when Cragen sent me home."

"Why did you leave her there alone?" Alex asks, panic-stricken. "You know she likes to snoop."

"I locked the bedside table before I left.'

"That's not what I'm afraid of her going through." Alex groans, reaching for her cellphone. "She's going to find the ultrasound picture!" She flips open her cellphone and dials her mother's number, sighing frustratedly when the call goes directly to voicemail. Pushing her chair away from her desk, she shoves her paperwork into her briefcase, and bolts out of her office, barely waiting for Olivia.

They get to the apartment ten minutes later, and Alex is relieved to see her mother just sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Mother," Alex says, not hiding her surprise as well as she'd hoped to.

Jacqueline Cabot looks up from her book, smirking at her daughter. "I was wondering where Olivia had gone."

Olivia blushes deeply and makes a hasty exit to the kitchen.

Alex sighs. "What are you doing here, Mother?"

Jacqueline quirks her eyebrow. "I need an excuse to visit my daughter and her wife?"

"You usually call first."

"I wanted to surprise you." Jacqueline sighs and sets her book on the coffee table. Folding her hands, she looks up at Alex.

Alex knows that look. She kicks off her shoes, drops her briefcase on the floor, and joins her mother on the couch. "Is Ben in trouble?"

"Your brother is just fine, Alexandra."

"He's not back in rehab?"

"He's been clean for six months tomorrow."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Maybe we should throw him a party so he can steal from us again."

"Alexandra! I will not have you talking about your brother that way."

"He stole Grandma's engagement ring, Mother, and only got fifty dollars for it at a pawn shop. We were lucky Olivia could get it back."

"He is still your brother, Alexandra."

Alex scoffs, shakes her head. "Why are you here?"

"We're having a dinner party," Jacqueline says, "on Sunday night at six. I would like it if you would both attend."

"Is Ben going to be there?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then no."

"Alexandra—"

Alex puts up her hand to stop her mother. "I don't care, Mother. He is unpredictable and dangerous, and I _will not_ have him around my wife and child." The second the statement leaves her mouth, all the color drains from Alex's face.

Jacqueline blinks. "Your child?"

"Yes," Alex says. She disappears into the bedroom, returning a moment later with a picture frame that she hands to her mother. "Liv's pregnant; we found out two days ago." She looks away as her mother wipes at her eyes.

"I understand, Alex, that you are just doing what is best for your family, and I respect it. But, please, will you just consider attending?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alex sighs. "I will talk with Liv. Maybe we'll come by earlier in the day for lunch."

Jacqueline's lips turn up in the beginnings of a hopeful smile. "Thank you, dear," she says, standing up.

Alex follows suit and presses a kiss to her mother's cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Jacqueline nods. "Congratulations to the both of you."

"Thank you, Mother."

Once Jacqueline leaves, Olivia wanders back into the living room, settling on the couch beside her wife. "I'm sorry," she says.

Alex sighs. "That's not how I envisioned telling her."

Olivia rubs circles on Alex's back. "I know, Al."

"What do you think we should do?"

"Right now, I think we should order in, watch a movie, and go to bed early. We can make the other decision tomorrow."

Leaning against Olivia, Alex smiles widely. "I think that's a great idea."

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	8. Week 8: Scars

Title: Everything Will Be Okay

Theme: Scars

Rating: K+

Notes: Takes place at the end of 15x1. Brian Cassidy is not in the picture.

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* * *

Dressed in only her underclothes, Olivia stands in front of the full-length mirror hanging on her closet door. Sparing a glance at the bedroom door to make sure it is closed, she begins to catalogue each scar on her body clinically – from the one above her eye, courtesy of her mother, to the one on her foot, courtesy of an ex-girlfriend.

The second Alex steps into the apartment, she knows something is wrong. _Well_, she thinks to herself, _many things are wrong, but this is different_. She sets the large bag of Chinese take-out on the dining room table and knocks lightly on the bedroom door. Though she is not truly expecting an answer, she is still dismayed when she does not receive one.

With a sigh, she tries the handle, relieved to find the door unlocked. She pushes it open slowly, taking care to make enough noise as to not startle Olivia.

"Please don't, Alex," Olivia says. Her voice is hoarse and pained, and Alex feels her heart break into a million pieces.

Alex quickly blinks back an onslaught of tears. "How can I help?"

Crossing her arms over her chest, Olivia shakes her head and turns to face Alex. "Can I just have a few minutes to myself?"

"I can't leave you like this, Liv. You know I can't."

"I just need to be alone, Alex."

Alex steps into the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. "I'm sorry."

Olivia sighs and shakes her head, turning back to look in the mirror.

Alex takes the time to look over Olivia, noting each new scar, each new mark. Her heart shatters over and over and anger floods her veins. Lewis should feel lucky Alex can't get her hands on him; he should feel lucky he's in prison.

"You cut your hair," Alex says, finally noticing the hair on the floor.

Olivia shrugs. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It looks good."

Olivia lets out a short bark of laughter. "It looks terrible. It's uneven and choppy and…It's terrible, Alex." She covers her face with her hands, attempting to stifle the sudden onslaught of tears. "Everything is terrible."

Alex crosses the room in two steps and wraps her arms around Olivia. "You're gonna be okay, Liv. It's going to take some time, but you will get through this." She presses a light kiss to the side of Olivia's head. "And I'll be right here to help you the whole time. Everything will be okay." _Everything will be okay_.

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End file.
